Why do I feel so unsafe when nothing much is happening?
How are we suppose to feel safe in a world full of danger and impermanence? Why is it that some people can breeze through life with confidence and calm, while others are consumed by thoughts of danger and betrayal? Believe it or not, our health, and the quality of our lives, are affected by the degree to which we feel safe. In this article we will explore what is important about feeling safe and how we create that in our lives.
Lets start with our nervous system which is designed to react to danger in order to survive, to connect and form intimate bonds, and to shut down the heat when it all gets too much. Some of the answers to creating our sense of safety lie here. Three main parts of our nervous system work together to help us deal with and make sense of the world around us. When we are in danger and threatened all three parts of our nervous system will come into play.
I don’t know where that came from! Dealing with psychological splits
A number of clients express how they often experience themselves acting in ways that don't feel real or emotions that take over. They describe how they become ‘a crazy person’, angry and destructive, clinging and needy or insecure, when they don’t feel this way most of the time in their lives. They can’t understand how they could behave in these ways and feel terribly ashamed of themselves and the problems it causes in their relationships. They have come to see these reactions as ‘not them’ and the ‘normal’ calmer in control self as who they really are. They may come into therapy looking for a way of getting rid of this part of them, that somehow there may be tools that they can learn to control themselves. The split between these two parts of a person and how that develops in our family of origin, is the focus of this article.
How is Therapy Transformative
So many times people come into therapy wanting to know what happens, how does it work? What are we doing in therapy?;
I think one of the important things we are doing is encouraging people to have a more intimate relationship with themselves. Without that relationship it is very difficult to:
- make decisions,
- create the life we want,
- share ourselves and to love others.
This relationship involves our whole body. We experience life by what flows through our body. It is not just an intellectual knowing, thinking about I am this or that, but taking in the whole of who we are. We self-reveal when we are aware of a flow of emotions, and sensation without being overwhelmed. We can then feel alive with the richness and complexity of our life. We can notice the nuances of our experience and discover the meaning
Shame and Disconnection
Written by Delyse Ledgard
Shame is an intensely uncomfortable feeling that arises as a result of failure. If our failure is met by others with comfort and understanding we can transcend our shame and learn from mistakes and limitations. Otherwise shame gets under our skin and starts to infect our sense of self and our relationship to others. This article discusses the relationship between shame and disconnection as important to our understanding of how shame develops and how we can heal from it. Continue reading
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