Are you constantly comparing yourself to others?

You can get out from under this barrage of negative thoughts !

SELF ESTEEM affects self-confidence, ability to assert oneself, and feelings of deserving. When our self esteem is low we have more fear of taking risks, making commitments, facing challenges and can lead to problems of anger, anxiety, depression, as well as a feeling of powerlessness. We also tend to be dependent on other people's approval to feel better. Sound familiar?

Developing a positive self esteem comes form self awareness, acceptance of self, and the strength and resilience that comes from experiencing our vulnerability rather than defending against it.

Are you ready for the challenge?

From infancy we look for encouragement and approval. We have a basic human need to be wanted, noticed, and included. We want to contribute, to be of value, and make a difference – in other words to matter.

Yet our culture does not readily give this. Parents can be tough taskmasters in seeking the best for their children, as many of you may know. Perhaps your parents were abusive or neglectful, leaving you feeling unwanted or worse hated. You may have had confusing boundaries or contradictory messages growing up that confused you about what was expected. Many people I work with just have a sense of not being good enough for their parents and are still trying to be. Young people have a tendency to be intolerant of difference and you may have been mocked by your peers. Then on the other side to be proud and positive of oneself can be viewed as boastful.

Your past experiences are active in your daily life through your 'inner voice'

Do you:

• berate yourself for making mistakes,
• criticize yourself for doing things or not doing things?
• tell yourself that you should be like someone else?
• go over all your conversations with people and think about the things that you could have said or done differently?

This is your negative 'inner voice'.

You may not hear that voice in the same way as a spoken one, but in many ways it constantly repeats original messages to us.  Your inner voice can have a huge impact on you, even though you may not even be aware of it.

Our self-esteem will continually fluctuate and is affected by events and encounters with other people. Observing ourselves in relation to other people can be a helpful source of learning and feedback. Yet all too often comparison slips into competition and others become a yardstick by which we evaluate ourselves as good or bad, competent or inadequate.

The reality is we are all different. Each of us has strengths and limitations which we need to learn about and learn to live with. There are aspects of our behaviour and appearance we may seek to change or develop, but a sense of self is also based on self-awareness and self-acceptance.

Ways to Improve Your Self-esteem.

Perception, fortunately can be changed, once you are aware of where these faulty assumptions and expectations come from, and once you make the decision that you have a choice and are not destined to repeat the same patterns and fears of your parents.

COUNSELLING – Call today and make an appointment. In counselling you can safely explore those experiences and aspects of yourself that prevent you from feeling good.  Experiencing compassion and non-judgmental acceptance from your therapist goes a long way to reinforce that relationship to yourself. 

DO THINGS FOR FUN.

• Taking pleasure in life reflects a good feeling back to you. 

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF PHYSICALLY

• Eating regularly, thinking about the sort of food you eat, and making sure you try to get the amount of sleep you need.
• Exercise and toning muscles can give confidence and help you to feel good about your body. Pay attention to how you stand and walk. Think tall.

USE REWARDS, NOT PUNISHMENTS.

• Reward yourself. Buy yourself a little treat. Do something you particularly enjoy but don't often get around to.
• We do not like other people saying nasty things about us so why say them to yourself? Listen to how you treat yourself – the internal conversation. Low self-esteem makes it difficult to identify strong points but it does not mean you do not have them – only that they are unfamiliar to you.
• Avoid as much as possible situations and people that leave you feeling bad about yourself and spend more time concentrating on experiences which are likely to be successful and rewarding.

CULTIVATE GOOD RELATIONSHIPS.

• Are you continually expecting more of yourself than you do of others? If you accept the troubles, mistakes and variability of other people, how about being happy with "good enough" in relation to yourself?
• Involve others. Ask for support, feed-back, affection. Be prepared to say you don't know. Talk about yourself. Do not pretend or hide. Take care not to push other people away through being negative about yourself.
• Join in with others. Do not assume you are not important; other people have an effect on you and you affect them. Most people are interested in making new friends, and friendships can begin at any time in life. Say hello; do not wait for other people to come to you. Smile. Be nice to others, volunteer, be helpful, pay compliments.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

• It is no good waiting for others or circumstances to leave us feeling better about ourselves. So accept responsibility for your own actions: as we cannot make other people change, we need to make the changes ourselves.