Emotional release

Throughout my training into working with the body and trauma, I have been challenged to look at some of the ways I had been trained in the past. The most obvious is to do with emotions and emotional release. In the early days I was trained in Gestalt and back then pounding pillows and 'big' emotional releases were a sign of having broken through defences and resolved past unfinished business. So letting out your rage towards the parents you imaged on the pillow (with all the abuse and hatred you could muster), was seen as a 'breakthrough' and 'letting go' of this pain.  I haven't worked with anyone in this way for many years but the notion that we have to have a 'big' cathartic release to be doing our work is still a popular idea.

In my experience this cathartic release was attractive because I could feel something, which was better than the numbness and disconnection I felt most of the time. There was energy running through me and I felt more 'alive', untill the numbness returned. So what would happen was that I would feel a kind of relief that I could feel my emotions, and then shut off again. This going back and forth we now know through the research can be re-traumatizing. Responses to trauma often follow this pattern of being overwhemled and then cutting off.  It can be addictive though to feel the rush of emotions and energy surge.

This is not to say that strong emotions are a 'bad' thing and everyone is different in the amount of tolerance they have before it is overwhelming. Ideally we want to be able to be with our emotions as they flow through us, and keep us connected to ourselves and others. Being connected to our emotions is being human, and one of the dangers of cathartic methods of emotional release is that it can separate emotional experiencing and processing out of our everyday life. After all pounding pillows, and 'big' emotional distress is hard for most people to witness and is re-traumatizing.  So we can end up with a  tempory relief that comes with separating ourselves from others, or feeling out of control of our emotions.  Being overwhelmed reinforces the traumatic patterning in our bodies and does not transform.

So what is the alternative? When I look back on my experience it is not to say it was all a waste of time, I definately have made changes and my life has transformed. However, I do beleive that we are becoming much clearer about how the brain and nervous system works so that we can facilitate a more effective release of emotional pain. With what I know now I believe that I would have got to a confident and calmer way of life sooner. The good news is that you can!

In working Somatically we work with regulation to keep us grounded and in our window of tolerance. Regulation involves many ways in which each of us can stay present and feel safe as we experience and tease apart the emotional pain we are carrying. Some common ways are connection and support with your therapist/others, grounding, soothing and pleasant feelings, images etc.  Regulation is not about stopping the emotion but creating an internal and external support to be with the emotion.We need to honour our need for safety and going at our own pace with compassion and support. The story of the turtle and the hare says it all