Family issues

The Importance of Being Recognized

The Importance of Being Recognized

 

This article examines the importance of being recognized to how we express ourselves and whether we experience ourselves as valid or not.  We know that when we focus on some aspect of our experience it comes alive with details and nuances we didn’t know were there. Similarly for others to show us recognition communicates we are indeed here, that we exist and allows us to see our experience more fully. For example how many times has someone noticed a gesture or expression that we made just outside our awareness that when it was brought to our attention allowed us to experience ourself in a new way.

 

Alternatively, when we are not recognized or validated we become at odds with ourselves; there is no feedback that confirms the truth of it. This article will identify how the basic splitting of our experience into good and bad starts with recognition.  This is an important process in one’s development for an infant and child to learn who they are in the world.

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Moving on from family dysfunction

Moving on from family dysfunction

Moving on from your family dynamics is a lifelong task and the result of family of origin work. The concept of differentiation is central to the ability to live your own life and form healthy adult relationships. In this article I provide a couple of definitions and identify ways you can develop  differentiation.

Differentiation is the active, ongoing process of defining self, revealing self, clarifying boundaries, and managing the anxiety that comes from risking either greater intimacy or potential separation.

Murray Bowen defined differentiation as the degree of resilience to the interpersonal contagion of anxiety.


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Consequences of family of origin betrayal

The consequences of family of origin betrayal.

This article examines the main consequences of relationship betrayal that we experience growing up. I will define what we mean by relationship betrayal and then talk about five consequences that can happen.

Relationship betrayal happens when our needs, feelings and desires are betrayed by the people we are dependent on or have a significant attachment to. These relationships include those with family and those we rely on through institutions such as school or health. Extensive betrayal is traumatic because we become overwhelmed by the emotional pain and our safety and trust is threatened.
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