Dealing with Anger
Do you find yourself:
- exploding with anger
- feeling resentful and angry most of the time
- don’t say when you are angry for fear of hurting people ?
These are some common difficulties that people have around anger.
Anger is one of those most troubling emotions.
On the one hand it has a function …
Anger informs us when something is not ok and we need to protect ourselves. Anger helps us fight for injustice and make things better in our lives and those of others.
On the other hand it can be destructive …
Anger hurts others when it becomes abusive or controlling. Anger hurts others when it is a result of needing to be right and puts others down.
Anger can be a mask for other more vulnerable feelings such as fear, loss and sadness, hurt, shame, powerlessness, helplessness and abandonment. Anger helps us to temporarily feel powerful, it puffs us up in the face of feeling inadequate when some of these more vulnerable feelings arise.
We are more likely to have trouble with anger if we have experienced trauma, betrayal, discrimination and control.
What is anger management?
Therapy is focused on self awareness and learning how to distinguish between anger and abuse, anger and aggression. To notice the signs of anger and being able to respond differently to those signs. We will explore why you are angry and help release it in a safe and gradual way. To identify the feelings underneath the anger.
Your anger may be telling you something is not ok. But if you have learned that you will not be taken seriously you may have developed ways of trying to control others through anger. Intimidation through anger is a common way to try and coerce others to listen to you. However, people do not listen well to angry ways to get their attention, nor do you feel very good about how you have expressed yourself. So anger will lead to more anger, shame and powerlessness.
In therapy you will learn to slow things down and pay attention to your experience, to become comfortable with vulnerable feelings. The expression of anger is taken within the context of the whole of you. We focus on the person and not someone with an anger problem. Dealing with anger may well be connected to trauma, depression, anxiety and coping with your life.
If you want to change the way you respond to others and feel empowered I welcome a call or email to set up an appointment or gain information regarding counselling.